Post by sailor on Dec 5, 2005 14:01:39 GMT -5
He stepped off the boat and went to the clubhouse.
Erin felt numb. But at the same time her mind was racing. She tried to understand what had
happened in the last hours. This morning everything had been fine. She had felt comfortable,
had enjoyed this new way of life that was too good to be hers. Part of her wanted to and could
believe that this could be true for her. That she really could stay with Gibbs, feel save and
look into the future with a smile. But of course she had always reminded herself, that this was
not real. Facing the fact that it was over was something completely different though.
She just now realised how much she had hoped all this could be true. And she had to face the
fact that she didn’t want to continue living her life the way it had been before she’d met
Gibbs. She didn’t want to be alone again, didn’t want to have to watch her back all the time.
She knew she wouldn’t be able to stand that again. Ben would find her. He always had. There
was no place safe enough to hide. She closed her eyes. She really didn’t know what to do.
Maybe she should just sit here and wait until it was over. Just when she was ready to give up,
when she gave in to the inevitable, her mind started to wander off.
She saw Gibbs sitting at the helm of the “Morning Glory”, totally at one with himself,
enjoying a day at sea. She saw him approaching the “Spirit” on that small outboard in the
storm. She saw herself resting comfortably in his arms. Saw them work together on the boat.
The last days with Gibbs passed before her eyes, like she was no part of it, like she was just
an observer. And yet, she was part of it. She could feel his arms around her, feel his warmth.
She recalled the way he’d looked at her, all the things he had said just by talking with his
eyes.
She tried to hold on to these memories when reality dropped in again. She didn’t want to
wake up; she wanted to stay in this dream forever.
And then she realized, that looking back, she was not afraid of him. She had not been
prepared for the way she saw him at the office today. It had been a shock, but it was not in her
dream.
A bit calmer now, she had to admit that he had not acted different towards her than he had
before. Agent Gibbs and her skipper were two sides of his personality and had always been.
And she knew for sure that the skipper might be the only chance she’d ever have to change
her life. If anyone was strong enough to stand up to Ben, it was Gibbs.
For the first time in her life, she found she had the chance to make a choice. All she had to do
was to go up to the clubhouse. All she had to do was to ignore that nasty little voice that told
her not to trust Gibbs.
She had never thought about changing her life, because there never had been a chance to do
so.
And if this was the chance she had, she would take it. “Break Ben’s spell”, she knew it was
not that easy. Ben was not only past, he was also future. She would have to tell Gibbs about
him, at the latest when he demanded to see her the next time. But not now.
She got up and slowly went to the clubhouse. With every step the knot in her stomach grew.
How would he react? Or was she late already?
When she entered she saw Gibbs standing at the counter and talking to the clerk. She hesitated
and just when her feet had decided to turn and walk away, Gibbs turned around.
Their eyes met and the way he looked at her was the lifeline she needed to make the last steps.
When she had reached him, he slowly raised his right hand and ever so gentle touched her
cheek, never breaking eye-contact.
“Ready to go home?” he asked.
“I already am home,” she answered, and she was.
-
Erin opened her eyes. It was already getting dark and she was cold. She wrapped her arms
around herself and looked around. She had been happy here, or at least the closest to happy
that she’d ever been. And it was over. She tried to figure out how she felt. There was nothing.
No pain, no regrets, no sadness. She felt empty.
“Back to normal,” she thought and got up. She stepped off the boat and went to the club-
house without looking back.
At the counter the clerk greeted her with a smile.
“Hi Erin. You came to pick up your bag, right?”
“Yes. Could you give me something to write? I need to drop a note for the Jones’ of the
“Spirit of Endeavour”.”
“Sure, here you are.”
“Thanks”
She wrote a few lines explaining she had to leave and that she was sorry but she wouldn’t be
able to look after their boat. She folded the sheet of paper and handed it to the clerk.
“Could you…”
“No Problem. Here’s your bag.”
“Thank You. Bye”
“Bye. Come visit us when you are somewhere in the area.”
“I will.”
With that she picked up her bag and left the club-house.
She took a bus to the railway station. She would travel south, Florida maybe, not that it
mattered.
At the depot, she opened her bag to take out a warmer jacket and saw a white envelope on top
of her clothes. It had just one word on it: Erin.
Her heart stopped. The skipper! She sat down on one of the benches and stared at the
envelope in her hands. Her mind raced. What did he want? She knew she had disappointed
him by not showing up at the club-house. Why didn’t he just leave her alone? Maybe she
should throw this note away. Pretend she never got it. But she couldn’t do that. What if
he…..She blamed herself for being a fool to hope he would want to see her again. But if he
did, what would she do? Leaving she realized, had been painful. Too painful to allow these
feelings to sink in. If she met him again, and she would have to leave again……
But why should he want to give her another chance, after what she did? Erin felt like she was
about to faint. She had to know. This had to end or she would go insane. She opened the
envelope and took out a single sheet of paper.
The writing looked blurred and she had to wipe her eyes to get a clear view. When had she
started to cry?
The message was short. One line, six words that changed everything.
“If you need me, call. Anytime.”
She could see Gibbs writing that. She could hear him saying it.
She knew what she had to do. She went to a pay-phone and dialled his number. Her heartbeat
was so loud, she was afraid she wouldn’t be able to hear him.
“Gibbs.”
She couldn’t answer. She held on to the receiver like her life depended on it.
“Erin, is that you?”
She had no control over her voice. Tears streamed down her face and she couldn’t stop them.
She knew she had to say something but she wasn’t able to.
“Erin, where are you?”
“The depot,” she managed to whisper.
“Stay there. Don’t go away.”
Erin had to concentrate on breathing. She could hear a door slam shut.
“You still there?”
“Yes.”
“Good,” a car engine was started. “Don’t hang up, okay?”
Erin wiped her eyes again. Why couldn’t she stop crying?
“Erin, are you okay?”
“Yeah.” She had to clear her throat.
“Stay on the phone with me. I’m with you any minute.”
She could hear he was going fast. She was afraid she would wake up and find this was another
daydream.
“Erin, where exactly are you?”
“At the pay-phone by the ticket-counter.”
“Okay,” the engine was turned off. “I’ll hang up now. Stay where you are.”
Erin went back to her bag. At least she had been able to stop that flood of tears. Just as she
wanted to sit down, she saw him. She wanted to run. To run away, to run to him. She wanted
to wake up and realize it was another daydream and she wanted this to be true.
And it was true. Gibbs was standing in front of her.
He slowly raised his right hand and ever so gentle touched her cheek.
Erin looked up and met his eyes. Ocean-blue. Sky-blue. This was real.
“Ready to go home?” he asked.
It was her daydream. But this time she wouldn’t wake up and find she was alone. She felt the
tears starting to well up again, but she didn’t care.
“Yes, I am,” she said.
And then she was in his arms and he held her as she cried.
TBC
Erin felt numb. But at the same time her mind was racing. She tried to understand what had
happened in the last hours. This morning everything had been fine. She had felt comfortable,
had enjoyed this new way of life that was too good to be hers. Part of her wanted to and could
believe that this could be true for her. That she really could stay with Gibbs, feel save and
look into the future with a smile. But of course she had always reminded herself, that this was
not real. Facing the fact that it was over was something completely different though.
She just now realised how much she had hoped all this could be true. And she had to face the
fact that she didn’t want to continue living her life the way it had been before she’d met
Gibbs. She didn’t want to be alone again, didn’t want to have to watch her back all the time.
She knew she wouldn’t be able to stand that again. Ben would find her. He always had. There
was no place safe enough to hide. She closed her eyes. She really didn’t know what to do.
Maybe she should just sit here and wait until it was over. Just when she was ready to give up,
when she gave in to the inevitable, her mind started to wander off.
She saw Gibbs sitting at the helm of the “Morning Glory”, totally at one with himself,
enjoying a day at sea. She saw him approaching the “Spirit” on that small outboard in the
storm. She saw herself resting comfortably in his arms. Saw them work together on the boat.
The last days with Gibbs passed before her eyes, like she was no part of it, like she was just
an observer. And yet, she was part of it. She could feel his arms around her, feel his warmth.
She recalled the way he’d looked at her, all the things he had said just by talking with his
eyes.
She tried to hold on to these memories when reality dropped in again. She didn’t want to
wake up; she wanted to stay in this dream forever.
And then she realized, that looking back, she was not afraid of him. She had not been
prepared for the way she saw him at the office today. It had been a shock, but it was not in her
dream.
A bit calmer now, she had to admit that he had not acted different towards her than he had
before. Agent Gibbs and her skipper were two sides of his personality and had always been.
And she knew for sure that the skipper might be the only chance she’d ever have to change
her life. If anyone was strong enough to stand up to Ben, it was Gibbs.
For the first time in her life, she found she had the chance to make a choice. All she had to do
was to go up to the clubhouse. All she had to do was to ignore that nasty little voice that told
her not to trust Gibbs.
She had never thought about changing her life, because there never had been a chance to do
so.
And if this was the chance she had, she would take it. “Break Ben’s spell”, she knew it was
not that easy. Ben was not only past, he was also future. She would have to tell Gibbs about
him, at the latest when he demanded to see her the next time. But not now.
She got up and slowly went to the clubhouse. With every step the knot in her stomach grew.
How would he react? Or was she late already?
When she entered she saw Gibbs standing at the counter and talking to the clerk. She hesitated
and just when her feet had decided to turn and walk away, Gibbs turned around.
Their eyes met and the way he looked at her was the lifeline she needed to make the last steps.
When she had reached him, he slowly raised his right hand and ever so gentle touched her
cheek, never breaking eye-contact.
“Ready to go home?” he asked.
“I already am home,” she answered, and she was.
-
Erin opened her eyes. It was already getting dark and she was cold. She wrapped her arms
around herself and looked around. She had been happy here, or at least the closest to happy
that she’d ever been. And it was over. She tried to figure out how she felt. There was nothing.
No pain, no regrets, no sadness. She felt empty.
“Back to normal,” she thought and got up. She stepped off the boat and went to the club-
house without looking back.
At the counter the clerk greeted her with a smile.
“Hi Erin. You came to pick up your bag, right?”
“Yes. Could you give me something to write? I need to drop a note for the Jones’ of the
“Spirit of Endeavour”.”
“Sure, here you are.”
“Thanks”
She wrote a few lines explaining she had to leave and that she was sorry but she wouldn’t be
able to look after their boat. She folded the sheet of paper and handed it to the clerk.
“Could you…”
“No Problem. Here’s your bag.”
“Thank You. Bye”
“Bye. Come visit us when you are somewhere in the area.”
“I will.”
With that she picked up her bag and left the club-house.
She took a bus to the railway station. She would travel south, Florida maybe, not that it
mattered.
At the depot, she opened her bag to take out a warmer jacket and saw a white envelope on top
of her clothes. It had just one word on it: Erin.
Her heart stopped. The skipper! She sat down on one of the benches and stared at the
envelope in her hands. Her mind raced. What did he want? She knew she had disappointed
him by not showing up at the club-house. Why didn’t he just leave her alone? Maybe she
should throw this note away. Pretend she never got it. But she couldn’t do that. What if
he…..She blamed herself for being a fool to hope he would want to see her again. But if he
did, what would she do? Leaving she realized, had been painful. Too painful to allow these
feelings to sink in. If she met him again, and she would have to leave again……
But why should he want to give her another chance, after what she did? Erin felt like she was
about to faint. She had to know. This had to end or she would go insane. She opened the
envelope and took out a single sheet of paper.
The writing looked blurred and she had to wipe her eyes to get a clear view. When had she
started to cry?
The message was short. One line, six words that changed everything.
“If you need me, call. Anytime.”
She could see Gibbs writing that. She could hear him saying it.
She knew what she had to do. She went to a pay-phone and dialled his number. Her heartbeat
was so loud, she was afraid she wouldn’t be able to hear him.
“Gibbs.”
She couldn’t answer. She held on to the receiver like her life depended on it.
“Erin, is that you?”
She had no control over her voice. Tears streamed down her face and she couldn’t stop them.
She knew she had to say something but she wasn’t able to.
“Erin, where are you?”
“The depot,” she managed to whisper.
“Stay there. Don’t go away.”
Erin had to concentrate on breathing. She could hear a door slam shut.
“You still there?”
“Yes.”
“Good,” a car engine was started. “Don’t hang up, okay?”
Erin wiped her eyes again. Why couldn’t she stop crying?
“Erin, are you okay?”
“Yeah.” She had to clear her throat.
“Stay on the phone with me. I’m with you any minute.”
She could hear he was going fast. She was afraid she would wake up and find this was another
daydream.
“Erin, where exactly are you?”
“At the pay-phone by the ticket-counter.”
“Okay,” the engine was turned off. “I’ll hang up now. Stay where you are.”
Erin went back to her bag. At least she had been able to stop that flood of tears. Just as she
wanted to sit down, she saw him. She wanted to run. To run away, to run to him. She wanted
to wake up and realize it was another daydream and she wanted this to be true.
And it was true. Gibbs was standing in front of her.
He slowly raised his right hand and ever so gentle touched her cheek.
Erin looked up and met his eyes. Ocean-blue. Sky-blue. This was real.
“Ready to go home?” he asked.
It was her daydream. But this time she wouldn’t wake up and find she was alone. She felt the
tears starting to well up again, but she didn’t care.
“Yes, I am,” she said.
And then she was in his arms and he held her as she cried.
TBC
