Cafpow's Fictions

[cafpow]

Here's my first NCIS fanfic episode. Maybe not the best fanfic episode. Please be honest with your critisms. It hinges on Jenny Sheperd quitting as a feild agent immediately after the infamous mission in Paris in the past. the date of the episode is the anniversy of Gibb's first wife's, (Shannon) and little girls death).

Pre-Credit's Teaser
The team are at their usual desks just after an operation, when Tobias walks in up to Gibb's desk flanked by two FBI heavies.

Tobias - Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs, you've need to come with me.

DiNozzo - (Stands up and moves over to Tobias but is blocked by the heavies).

Ziva - (Usual warning but also caring tone) Don't Tony, you'll only make things worse. (Turns to face Tobias) I'm sure he has a good reason. Don't you?

Tobias - I do. (Turns to the two heavies) You two stay here and watch these three. (Turns back to Gibbs) Jethro we really need to go.

Gibbs - Okay, I'm coming. (Sighs as he gets up)

DiNozzo - Boss?

Gibbs - That'll be all DiNozzo. The heavy nearest DiNozzo blocks his path as does the other one against Ziva, while Tobias and Gibbs leave the room into the lift. There is silence for two minutes as they travel in the lift.

Gibbs - Whats this all about Tobias?

Tobias - I'm sorry Jethro I can't say anything.Gibbs - Can't, or Won't?

Tobias - Can't. Gibbs - Tobias? Tobias says nothing for two or so minutes.
Then Gibbs calmly turns the evaltor off byt hat switch on the wall.

Gibbs - Your going to tell me what it is that going on right now, because I'm not reactivating this lift till you do.

Tobais - Gibbs I can't...Gibbs (Interrupts, angry) TELL ME! Breif pause as Tobais thinks.

Tobais - Okay, Jennifer Shephard had a daughter.

And she's wanted... By the .F.B.I..

Tradional NCIS, 'Grey shot' on a startled Gibbs stumbling backwards against the lift wall behind him Opening Credits Roll.

Please tell me if I need to rewrite this so far.


Edited to add author's name to thread.

[Sean'sGirl]

Congratulations on your first fiction cafpow. Could you please rename your thread to include your name (e.g. Cafpow's fictions)? Thanks.


See rule #7 in the Fan Fiction Posting Rules

7. If you're feeling prolific, then feel free to open your very own fiction thread - BUT please label it with your name (eg AngelZ's Stuff), not a generic title (like My Fictions) or the title of the story. We'd like you to collect all your stories in one thread so having your name in the title helps.

[inluvwithJC]

good fanfic so far. and yeah could you change the name. LOL

[agentme1549]

I have enjoyed this, continue with it, its good