Coffee: The Collection

[LJ]

This is my Award-Winning ;D little humor fic. Thanks to all the people who voted for me!!



The Importance of Being Caffeinated

Kate glanced up from where her nose was buried in a stack of files just in time to see Gibbs walk in. She did a double take. No coffee, she thought. Is that good or bad? Across the desk, Tony raised his eyebrows at her, clearly wondering the same thing. Kate wondered whether she should say something. Before she lost her nerve, she decided to make a joke.

“Quitting?” she asked lightly. Gibbs turned toward her, apparently trying to decide whether she was serious. She figured he would ignore the comment, or perhaps just grunt derisively, but as he sat he seemed almost embarrassed.

“Closed,” he muttered. Kate bit back a snort of laughter. Of course such a routinist wouldn’t have a backup plan, or even want one, in case of a disruption to precious habit. She knew better than to say anything, though. Tony, on the other hand, had yet to learn the fine art of shutting up.

“Why don’t you just go somewhere else, boss?” he asked brazenly. “There’s a Starbucks on the corner right outside…” He stopped at the look Gibbs was giving him.

“You don’t get it, do you DiNozzo? Coffee is an art form. You can’t just go to a chain that processes millions of cups a day…” Gibbs trailed off. “Never mind. You wouldn’t understand.”<br>
Kate quickly hid her face behind a file so he wouldn’t see her laughing. She was saved from Gibbs’ wrath by the phone. Gibbs grabbed it roughly, glaring at Tony, and barked, “Gibbs.” His face registered nothing as he listened, then said, “We’ll be right down.”<br>
Kate and Tony stood as he hung up, expecting the directive to the basement. Gibbs stared at them strangely, particularly Tony, as if wondering who they were.

“DiNozzo, what are you doing?”<br>
“We’re…going downstairs, aren’t we, boss?” Tony looked confusedly at Kate for help.

“We are,” Gibbs replied, motioning to himself and Kate. “You are staying up here and finishing up that work.” Kate couldn’t resist a triumphant grin at Tony as she walked past.

Ducky greeted them in Autopsy. “Where’s Tony?” he asked, looking behind them. Gibbs just grunted as he walked in.

“He, er, had the audacity to suggest that Gibbs go to Starbucks,” Kate provided, struggling anew not to laugh.

“He didn’t!” Ducky replied amazedly, gazing at Gibbs and back to Kate. “I take it his coffee shop is closed this morning?”<br>
“Yeah,” Kate nodded. “It’s going to be a wonderful day!” she added sarcastically.

“Well, you know how Gibbs is about his coffee, Kaitlin.”<br>
“Oh, yeah. Did you know that coffee is an art form?”<br>
“Whaddaya got for us, Ducky?” Gibbs interrupted.

“Ah, yes. A young Navy lieutenant, died of an apparent overdose of coffee – I mean, cocaine. Now, there is some bruising around the coffee – I mean, collar – bone, suggesting…”

Kate tuned out as she watched Gibbs. With every slip of Ducky’s tongue, he twitched and reddened. It’s going to be a very long day.

[LJ]

Much Ado About Java

“DINOZZO!” Tony cringed. Hastily grabbing the donut he had come for, he ran quickly back into the bullpen. Slowing as he neared Gibbs’ desk, he wondered what exactly he had done this time. Unless…but it couldn’t be! He had been too careful…<br>
Flashing his mega-watt smile at Gibbs (at the same time wondering why he even bothered), he tried to look innocent. And failed. Miserably.

“Wipe that grin off your face, DiNozzo,” Gibbs groaned. “Do I look like a lovesick female?”<br>
Out of the corner or his eye, Tony thought he saw Kate duck behind a file to hide her smile. Straightening his face quickly, Tony tried to gauge Gibbs’ mood. Was he really mad, or was he just acting? And just how mad was he? Apparently, really mad.

“Do you realize what you’ve done?” Gibbs asked quietly, dangerously.

“No, boss,” Tony answered quickly. Too quickly. Gibbs’ eyes narrowed, detecting deception. Tony thought he was about to launch into a furious tirade, but he suddenly changed tack.

Sighing lightly, almost regretfully, Gibbs slapped his knees and stood. “I don’t know about you, DiNozzo,” he said. “This is, what, the third?, time this week. I oughta talk to Morrow. I don’t know if I can work with an agent who so blatantly disregards my rules.”<br>
Confusion flashed in Tony’s eyes for a split second before he caught on. Grinning slightly, he responded cockily. “I get it. You think I did it. Whatever ‘it’ is,” he added hurriedly. “But you don’t have the proof. Sorry, boss, but I’m not going to ’fess up.”<br>
Gibbs raised an eyebrow. “You think so, DiNozzo? You don’t think that maybe I do have the proof, but a confession would save me so much time?”<br>
“That’s impossible!” Tony blurted. “I was too care –” he caught himself. Swallowing hard, he looked at his feet. Behind him, he heard Kate sniggering and realized he had just walked into a trap. And a pretty obvious one at that. He kicked himself mentally and decided, since he had already admitted his guilt, to explain.

“It was an accident, boss, I swear. I didn’t mean anything by it! Honest! And – ” he stopped, suddenly catching something Gibbs had said earlier. “Hey! Whaddaya mean, ‘blatantly disregards your rules’? What rules?”<br>
Gibbs glared. “Rule Number Thirteen, DiNozzo! Never, ever, touch my coffee.”<br>
“It was an accident, boss,” Tony repeated, before launching into a very rapid explanation. “I was just coming around the corner, with this huge stack of files, and it was just there on the desk, and I slipped! And I knew you’d be mad, so I thought I’d just grab another one for you, ’cause you’ll never know right? Well, obviously I was wrong –”

“Yeah, you were wrong, DiNozzo,” Gibbs interrupted. He sighed heavily. “Why are you my problem child? Kate never touches my coffee, and she’s the newbie. You oughta know better.”<br>
“Yeah, Kate’s perfect. Why can’t I be more like Kate?” Tony muttered under his breath.

“What was that?”<br>
“Nothing, boss. Look, I’m sorry. Really. But it was an accident! I’ll never do it again, boss, I swear.” Tony gave Gibbs his ‘puppy eyes’. Like the smile, he wondered why he even bothered. Gibbs regarded him for a moment, deliberating. Finally, he waved his hand dismissively and turned to leave.

“Fine. This time I’ll let you off with a warning, DiNozzo. But you even breathe within ten feet of my coffee again and I’ll have your head. Understand?”<br>
“Yes, boss,” Tony replied seriously. Trying to redeem himself, he made a peace offering. “Donut?” Gibbs just stared at him before striding off to the break room, presumably for an untainted cup of coffee.

Tony released the breath he had unconsciously been holding. Hearing a muffled chuckle behind him, he turned to see Kate burying her head in her hands to stifle her laughter. He wondered if she knew the answer to his one question.

“How did he know? I was so careful. I wiped up the spill, got rid of the cup, even cleaned the carpet stain. Where’d I miss?”<br>
Kate got serious. Tony leaned forward expectantly, half-thinking she would reveal some obvious blunder on his part and laugh hysterically at his expense. But she just shrugged. “He’s Gibbs,” she answered.

[LJ]

The Taming of the Coffeeholic


“Gibbs, come on!” Kate pleaded. “Please?”<br>
“No, Kate,” he repeated, exasperated. “And that’s final. Now get back to work!”<br>
Kate slouched back to her desk, just in time to see Tony enter the room. He strode confidently to his desk, smiling winningly at both Kate and Gibbs.

“Morning,” he said brightly.

Gibbs ignored him completely and Kate gave him a death stare. His smile faded slowly as he realized that not everyone in the room was as happy as he. He glanced from Gibbs to Kate and back again.

“Psst, Kate,” he whispered. “What happened?”<br>
Kate glared at him. He pretended not to notice. Finally, she sighed and whispered back to Tony.

“Gibbs is an stubborn, overbearing fiend!” she hissed.

Tony raised an eyebrow and struggled not to grin. “You’re just figuring that out?”<br>
“He won’t let me take a personal day,” she complained. “To go to my aunt’s funeral.”<br>

Tony looked surprised. “Really? Gibbs may be strict but he’s not sadistic. Why not?”<br>
Kate shrugged, but Tony already had an idea. He nudged Kate and pointed toward Gibbs’ desk. Gibbs continued to be completely absorbed by the terrorist faces on his screen. Kate looked where Tony pointed but didn’t see anything odd.

“What’s missing?” Tony prodded.

Kate looked again and her eyes widened. Her eyes moved to the trashcan. Not there either. Gibbs’ desk was completely devoid of the familiar paper coffee cups that always sat in varying states of emptiness. She glanced back at Gibbs, still focused on the computer. She noticed for the first time that his eyes were red, his skin pale, and his hands shaking. She turned back at Tony.

Tony grinned. “I have an idea,” he whispered, and ducked out.

Kate turned to her computer and tried to work, but she was too curious about what Tony was doing. Fifteen minutes later, she had her answer. Tony re-entered the room exactly as before, confident and cocky, with one addition. Reminded, strangely but strongly, of Gibbs, Kate noticed the paper travel cup of coffee in Tony’s left hand. The logo pointed out and Kate recognized the Starbucks-like circle of Gibbs’ favorite coffee place. Tony smiled knowingly at Kate and swept towards Gibbs’ desk.

Gibbs didn’t seem to notice as Tony plunked the coffee onto his desk. As they waited for him to look up, Kate noticed a scrawl on the side of the cup. It looked like an order specification, the letters barristas write on cups to remind them of customers’ orders, but Kate didn’t recognize the letters. It looked like AGS, which wasn’t any coffee she’d ever heard of.

Gibbs still stared fixedly at the computer but as the steam rose from the coffee cup, his nose began to twitch. Pretty soon he turned his head, searching for the source of the tantalizing scent. Catching his eye on the coffee cup in front of him, his eyes widened and lit up like it was Christmas. Lifting his eyes from the tempting prize, he saw Tony standing in front of his desk, grinning winningly.

Gibbs squinted suspiciously at Tony. “Whaddaya want, DiNozzo?” he growled.

“Nothing, boss,” Tony said brightly, his smile never faltering. “Just thought you could use a cup.”<br>
Gibbs seemed to be trying to decide whether Tony was telling the truth. Eventually the desire for coffee won out and he decided it didn’t matter. Grabbing the cup, he practically threw it down his throat. His eyes closed in satisfaction and Kate didn’t think she’d ever seen him so happy. He downed the cup in about five seconds and looked up as if begging for more. Tony grinned wisely, producing from the paper sack in his right hand another identical cup. Gibbs lunged but Tony sidestepped easily, holding the cup high.

“Give it here, DiNozzo, or your butt gets fired,” Gibbs snarled.

“Okay, boss,” Tony replied cheerily. “But first I have a request.”<br>
Gibbs’ eyes narrowed and Kate wondered if Tony had a death wish. But, to her immense surprise, Gibbs conceded. Kate supposed the need for coffee outweighed his pride and authoritativeness.

“All right,” Gibbs sighed. “Name your price.”<br>
“Kate gets to go to her aunt’s funeral.”<br>
Gibbs looked at Kate. She tried to look busy, to disassociated herself from Tony’s demands. Again, he surprised her by agreeing.

“Fine. Now hand it over.”<br>
“And,” Tony continued, milking this for all it was worth. “I get off early this Friday for my date.”<br>
“Don’t push it, DiNozzo,” Gibbs warned, lunging again and this time succeeding in grabbing the coffee. He drank this one more slowly, savoring the taste.

Kate sat in shock at what Tony had just pulled off. Tony came around his desk and sat with a flourish. Putting his hands behind his head, he leaned back in his chair and grinned at Kate.

“Pretty good, huh?” he commented cheekily.

“Yeah, thanks. I just have one question.”<br>
“What’s that?”<br>
“What are the letters on the cup for? AGS?”<br>
Tony’s smile widened. “The Agent Gibbs Special.”<br>

[Free]

I read this over at FF.Net and I have to say I really liked it. You had me giggling in my shoes first time round and I had a giant grin this time. ;D

Very nice!

[nikkinor]

I love this story, very funny and its great to see that you won a award for it. Congrats ;D

[LJ]

Thank you!

[tonylover]

this was so funny ;D ;D ;D ;D it was classical Gibbs all over and not to mention classical Tony aswell when i showed my mum and she and i could not stop lughing especially the bit with Ducky
whoever would have thought Ducky would get confused with somthing???
i loved it so much